Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
