My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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