Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
