I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
