my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
