she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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