it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
