bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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