I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I love having hate sex.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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