At least make sure they are 18
Why
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
