my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
