Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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