just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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