Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
