oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
