My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
