the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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