Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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