It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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