Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
