dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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