Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's official drugs can't kill me
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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