im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
