even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
