you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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