his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
