i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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