My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Randomize
