You smell like a Billy Joel song
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
