Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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