I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
