wakey wakey hands off snakey
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
where does the pee come out of this thing
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
