his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
