After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
