My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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