when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
