I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
