Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
