Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
