I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
