Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
