Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
