My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
