Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
