I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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