Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
