You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
