I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
