can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
