I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
