I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
