How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
