Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
