Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
