I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
