dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
