dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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